Unscripted

I'm going to try to keep this as simple as I can without overwhelming you with my mixed emotions and the abundance of sarcastic jokes I tend to make in awkward situations. (i turn into a comedian at funerals . . . i can't control it. it's a curse) And just to warn you, this blog is about my lady business and my contain alot of info you'd really NOT like to know; but maybe it can help someone that may be going through something similar so here it goes . . .

Yesterday I made the highly anticipated visit to my OBGYN. (the sarcasm starts already, geez!) I say that because not only do I have a little anxiety about a PAP, I haven't had the best news the last couple of years. On a brighter note, I'm convinced my doc is the best in the universe so it really isn't THAT bad.

Long story short; Tanner and I married not intending to have children, then we decided we would really enjoy a little one but not until our thirties, then in 2006 I have pains, an ultrasound, PCOS, the C-word was tossed around, throw in some Clomid, end of 07 (cue the happy music) Turner!

This is where the TMI comes in. Last period: December 9th 2009; before that: December 23rd 2006. Please note that there was a pregnancy in that time frame, but still! I'm not complaining about it, no periods are wonderful but when this happens you know your shiz isn't right.

After I had Turner the cysts came back with a vengeance and I was put back on birth control to help. It was helping ALOT until 2 weeks ago. I knew my fluid-filled friends were back; you learn to self-diagnose after the billionth episode of feeling like you've been sucker punched in the ovaries. (random thought: when punching a girl, does anyone actually aim for the ovaries? I bet it would be effective) Soooo, back to the doc.

Enter Endometriosis and scarred tubes. Is Turner it for us? Probably. Do we follow the advice of the doc and try for another ASAP? The likelihood of me getting preggo with fertility treatments . . . not likely. Is there a chance? Yes! Would we like to have another child? Yes. Would we be devastated if we can't? No. Turner is more that we could have ever asked for and I would feel selfish to cry about not having another. I've been able to be pregnant! I have a beautiful son! It would be greedy of us to ask for more.

After the shortest discussion ever. . . Tanner and I both agree that it isn't right to bring kids into this world if you can't provide for them. Our def. of provide isn't just food, clothing, shelter, and love. We're talking about the things most of you will think are shallow. Nice clothes (not top designer, but clothes that keep him from being labeled as "poor" or "low income" at school giving kids reason to tease and adults reason to believe the parents didn't do much with their lives so neither will our kid so he hates school, resents us, etc. I know I could really go into a rant here but we know how it works so no need). Summer camps for sports or music or magic or stick whittling. . . wherever his passion lies, a college education, a nice wedding if he chooses. We just want to avoid the conversations that end in "we'd love to honey, but we can't afford it." For the record, our kid won't be driving a new car when he turns 16, will have a job in high school to learn the value of a dollar, atleast that's our goal. We never really know do we?

We had a plan for our life and it's all completely different in a more beautiful way.

The "plan" we have for now is to enjoy the moment. When our finances get better and Turner gets easier (does that ever happen?) we will try for another. I am optimistic that it will all work out as it is supposed to.

In the interim, I was given a stronger birth control pill to help with the cysts. They are chewable. Looking forward to that . . . not really.