Anyone who has tried to hold a conversation with me can tell you that I am all over the place. My mind runs 200 mph and it's sometimes a challenge for me to finish a thought. If you read my blog regularly you may have an idea of how frustrating it could be to get anything to come out of my mouth that doesn't include an opinion, personal share session with TMI, a story I saw on the news, etc. My husband always asks me what I'm thinking about and I usually say "nothing important" because how do I explain that I'm thinking about the picture I saw of a bundle of hemorrhoids that looked like a rose or that I'm wondering if I opened the car door and rolled out like they do on the movies if it would really hurt that bad. If I choose to share my thought with him I usually get the "you're so weird" look and I be quiet . . . for a few minutes.
Yesterday I talked about Jesus toast. Remember the Jesus toast that was sold on ebay, followed by the Mary grilled cheese? Where does that shit come from? What other useless information do I keep in my archives? Here's an example:
(eating breakfast) toast, Jesus toast!
Remember the Jesus toast and Mary grilled cheese?
Have you ever eaten a grilled peanut butter sandwich? I tried it when I was pregnant and it was really gross, but I love melty peanut butter on warm toast. Sounds like it would be pretty much the same thing right?
Didn't Elvis eat grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches?
Did you know that Elvis slept in his mom's bed until he was 13? Eeww. No wonder his parents divorced.
I know a guy who's son slept in bed with him and his wife until the son was 8 years old. How did they have any private time? Oh wait, they divorced too. Probably because the lack of private time.
See what I mean! Does this happen to everyone? Seriously, I want to know.
Random shit comes out of my mouth all of the time. I've tried to control it, but most people will ask "what's wrong Jen, you seem quiet today." I dreamed about being a stand-up comic when I was younger but I'd feel bad about making fun of people. Not at the time of course, but when it got back to them and they have hurt feelings it would make me feel like a piece of crap. Plus, you've got to be pretty good to make any money in that biz. I love making people laugh. That's my drug. I feed off of it and when you laugh at me it fuels the fire. My husband is serious 95% of time. Not a jokester. I love that. It's funny to me when he doesn't laugh at my jokes. It makes me happy. Sounds strange doesn't it? I hope Turner laughs at my jokes though. I don't want him to think I'm not funny, that would be heartbreaking.
I always received A's on my creative writing papers, I was voted class clown of my high school, and I've been called weird a few times. So what. I know I'm a little different. I always have been. It took me until I was in the 4th grade to have my first friend. That's right, the 4th grade! I was so shy and introverted that I wouldn't even ask to go to the bathroom. I don't know what happened. Wait, yes I do. Someone told me I was funny. It gave me confidence.
Please don't think I'm the person in the meeting, the waiting room, the classroom, etc. that's going on and on about my opinions and how I think things should be done. That's not me. I'm usually not saying anything. Sure I'll answer a question or offer some feedback, but a majority of the time I'm just listening to the other person who thinks they have something important to say and mostly just loves to hear themselves speak. Those people make my ears bleed. If it's important I'll put something out there, but I don't give a damn that your boss isn't giving you a raise this year and you don't know how people can live off of $50k per year or that when you were pregnant 35 years ago that was how you did things. Aargghh!
I guess the point is, if I'm around you and my thoughts are spewing out before I run them through my "should I be saying this?" filter, I like you. I'm comfortable around you. When I'm quiet, it's because I feel like I'm being judged or I'm trying to improve the quality of my conversation and can't think of anything to say. If I'm talking about the weather, kick me in the ass and ask me what I'm really thinking. I might say, "I'm thinking about Jesus toast and Elvis."
3 comments:
this is the best post ever! my yearbooks are full of "stay weird" and "to the weird girl in math class". it's a compliment.
i'm so sorry that you have gone private.
especially since private blogs are so hard to read, for me at least.
my home computer is filtered somehow to not allow any passworded sites to be bookmarked.
private blogs don't have a feed, so you can't see them on a feed reader.
my phone is near impossible to enter a password into a restricted website.
so i'm stuck reading on my office computer, and that only happens once or twice a month.
i'm so sorry that the situation has come to this. people fucking suck.
i can say the eff word here now, right?!!
I agree...and you know what...I don't think you are weird, I think you are funny. I love the randomness that comes out of your mouth...reminds me of one of my best friends...where you can say random shit and it is ok. Case in point..."I'm a man, I pee with my weiner, I put my penis in things, My penis is bigger than your penis, chainsaws are cool...whoa, where did you get that pot holder...that is awesome, I love santa pot holders. Where's the Jesus juice?" This was an actual coversation that she and I had, yet it made complete sense to us...that is why we get each other...its like a foreign language. Its great...screw those that don't understand it!
i don't know how i missed this post, but it's freakin hilarious.
i love how funny you are. it's a wonderful trait to have.
my husband doesn't find me to be funny, either. but i think i'm hysterical. go figure.
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