Sunny days that help keep me energized
The way the Earth smells in the rain
The sound of a thunderstorm
A job with a great company
Friends that I can count on to make me smile
Family that loves constantly and unconditionally
Reading books / materials that really get me thinking
But eventually, something happens and I have a total meltdown. It's like I get overtaken by my suppressed pessimist inner voice and I convince myself that:
I'm not a good wife/mother/friend/cook/etc. etc. etc.
I'm going to lose my job
Ever since Lauren's arrival, I haven't been focusing on Turner like I should
Turner doesn't like me as much anymore
Tanner doesn't like me as much anymore
I don't like me as much anymore
Everyone can see my post baby roll through my shirt and I feel guilty because it should be gone by now
I need to be a better housekeeper
I need to work harder at keeping a family schedule
I need to save more money
I'm getting lazy
I hate my clothes
I hate my furniture
I hate my house
I hate how I look in my glasses
I have thin eyelashes and transparent eyebrows
My teeth need Zoom whitening
My hair needs updated
I need Spanx
I could continue but I'm sure you are on your way out of this blog due to all of my negativity and I like when you visit me here so let me get to the point.
How can I have a random day when everything I am self-conscious about pops up all at once causing me have a little freak out? Next thing I know, I've convinced myself that I'm crazy and I'm hunched over, crying about all of it or none of it . . .not sure which. Then it goes away.
My optimistic side comes back and I talk myself into believing that everything will work out and it's going to be okay and I move on. In the meantime, Hubs is convinced that I've either lost my mind or something really bad has happened. How do I tell him that every once in awhile I turn into Jen Looneytunes but a good cry makes me feel better? How do I tell him I'm not sure what I'm really crying about? It's the truth. Am I crying because being blind-sided with so many bad thoughts scares the hell out of me? Is it just me, or does this happen to most of us women out there? Why don't dudes go through emotional phases like this? Is it hormones? Is it my diet? Cell phone overuse? Years of staring into the microwave as it warmed my food? Is it the high fructose corn syrup? Lack of caffeine maybe? How can I be completely overwhelmed with life one minute then calm as can be the next?
It feels insane.
Hubs says every woman has a little bit of crazy in them. I think he chose a woman that got a couple extra scoops. Wait until Menopause kicks in. Good Lawd I'm going to be one overreacting emotional bitch!
3 comments:
I can totally relate! Glad to hear someone else has moments like that! You are an amazing momma and that's what matters the most!
Something lead me to read your blog today and now that I have im so very greatful I did.. I have suffered from mental break downs/ depression/ craziness or whatever you want to call it for several years now and with confidence I can say to you your not alone dear.. Although im not married and have no children on the same level our stories are the same.. Some days i feel as though my life couldnt be any better and others it simply takes someone looking at me strange or even a hello to set me in to a whirl wind of negativity. My friends are wonderful and from time to time I share my feelings when the sense of over whelmingnss takes over and they tell me everything will be ok well even the boost of reassurance is a pleasure I walk away asking myself are they just saying that because thats what friends are suppose to do... ... There are no right words to say but having read your blog I can now sit back take a deep breath and know on this journey I AM NOT ALONE... So i would like to thank you for sharing your story.. Always remember even on the days you dont love yourself someone else out there does...
no, you are not alone I think all woman feel that way from time to time and I bet men feel some of those things too, they just dont show it!
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