Paranoid

So I just had a conversation with one of the "higher-ups" of the company. It was one of those one-sided apology conversations where I apologized for our delay, inaccuracies, etc. One of those, "We are working to make things better" type calls and as I tried to lighten the conversation with random comments about work (hiring criteria, areas working with minimal coverage and large workloads, late nights spent at the office) all things this person can relate to . . . he says nothing. He didn't make comments about anything . . . just quiet. Then I realize it's time to shut my yapper and circle back to the original purpose of the call. It ends. I get paranoid and my self-confidence shrinks.

Every once in awhile I think these things are happening or will happen:

• The phones at my place of work are bugged and there are cameras with people watching us at our desks, in our offices, the restroom etc.
• I am going to lose my job because I didn't work to my potential today, this week, whatever.
• My husband is going to leave me because I don't have "relations" with him as often as he would like.
• My son has a learning disability.
• People don't take me seriously because I don't have the college Degrees required for success.
• I have a mental disorder.
• Most people are nice to me because they have to associate with me on a regular basis, not because they really like me.

Do any of you ever re-live some of the most humiliating moments of your life and get embarrassed all over again? I'm talking face gets red embarrassment over something you said or did when you were like 12 or 13? For example, I misspelled Government in the 6th grade spelling bee . . . I forgot the "n". That was the word I spelled correctly to get in the stupid Bee in the first place! The whole class laughed at me and I got 2nd place. I still think about that and it drives me nuts that I haven't let it go. What's up with that? It's just dumb.

Give me a couple of minutes and I'm over it. I can't figure out where it comes from. Weird.