So our little guy is not only running, kicking, and throwing he's also hitting, biting, and pulling hair. What to do? (sigh)
Over the last couple of weeks Turner has expressed his frustrations by hitting the dog, hitting me, hitting Tanner, biting Tanner, and pulling my hair. After he does this we squat down to his level, grab his hands, look him in the eyes, and tell him, "No. It's not nice to ______ (hit, pull hair, bite). That hurts _____ (Rex, Mommy, Daddy)." Sometimes it's enough to stop it and sometimes he does it again, immediately.
Tanner and I are unsure about what type of discipline is appropriate for an 18 month old. I asked the daycare provider and at his age they just tell them no. Tried it, and it's obviously not effective. I know that Turner knows what no means and I know that he is intentionally hitting, pulling hair, etc. knowing that he isn't supposed to do those things. It's very frustrating. Personally, the tantrums were easier to deal with and fortunately Turner didn't/doesn't throw many tantrums. When he decided to melt down onto the floor we just walked out and ignored him. It worked like a charm.
Not sure what to do I decided to take an idea from something I saw on The Nanny. Sad right? On Sunday we introduced the "Naughty Chair." Turner slapped me in the face and I told him no. He did it again and I put him in the naughty chair. I bent down to his level and told him it's not nice to hit and walked away from him. He started crying and got up and followed me into the kitchen. He pulled on my pant legs for me to pick him up and when I did he slapped me in the face again. I told him firmly, no and walked him back over to the chair and put him in it. I told him again that he shouldn't hit and walked away. He started crying again and followed me back into the kitchen. He pulled on my pant leg again and once more I picked him up. I asked, "are you sorry?" and he just looked back at me. Then I asked, "do you want hugs?" and we hugged. He didn't hit the rest of the night and he hasn't hit me since. I know it isn't over for sure, but I'm not confident that I did the right thing. It seemed like it worked. I talked to Tanner about it and he suggested that instead of sitting him in a chair, we should sit him against the wall instead. He doesn't want him associating his play chairs as the "naughty chairs". I agree.
I decided to share my experience with a friend at work and they told me not to mess around with time-outs. I should lightly pop him on the butt with a wooden spoon. They said that eventually when he sees the wooden spoon appear he'll know when to behave. I'm not sure that I feel comfortable using fear as a motivator to discipline. Then again, my parents spanked and we were good kids and well-behaved. We feared that if we acted up we would receive a spanking and it was enough motivation to follow the rules. I don't want to spoil Turner and create a monster by letting him get away with everything, but I don't think I have the heart to spank. Any advice? I'm really open to what you have to say about this!
I'm having lunch with a couple of my girlfriends this week, I'll probably pick their brain for suggestions. This is tough!
3 comments:
PLEASE don't spank him. All you are teaching him is that it is okay to hit someone when they displease you. It's just like yelling "stop fucking swearing!!" every time a kid curses.
Spanking didn't kill us, but it didn't help us either.
Time outs are the recommended disciplinary measure. And you probably need a little bit of time out too.
Spanking will just escalate it to a whole new level for you both.
Plus it will make you look like one of those white trash moms in Walmart that I KNOW you shake your head at!
This is a topic that we have been dealing with. Brady is our biter and he has bit all of the kids, Tim and I, my aunt, etc. We have done the No, over and over, the quick pop to his mouth and this week we are trying time outs. We put him on the bottom step and he stayed there. Last night when I said the word time out, he started crying, so I think he gets what we are talking about! Keep me updated on how things go, because I could use all the advice I can get!
Jake was the biter in our family...he did it all the time and nothing seemed to make him stop. He started doing it around age 2. One day, mom finally got fed up after he bit her so hard he drew blood...she reached down, grabbed his arm, and bit him back. He instantly started crying and mom said "see, it hurts, don't do that!" He never bit again after that. We think he was doing it and not realizing how bad he was hurting us all...he was worse than rowdy! Haha! I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but it worked. The hitting thing? I got no clue on that one. I know that Dad only had to spank Tanner and I once and then all he had to do was give us the look. I think it is good to have a healthy "fear" of your parents. Kept me in line!
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