It's me, Jen's vagina.
Gather round girlies. It's time to talk lady business. (men, take your cue and leave now please)
I've decided to stop taking my birth control pill. I have Tanner's support to do this since he's tired of me being a superbitch at random times on random days. I started getting sick with every week of pills, no longer just the first week of a new pack. The headaches weren't migraine status, but they were continuous and I felt nauseous almost all day long. Bottom line, I'm tired of feeling like crap all of the time.
My doc suggested the shot as an option, but said it will "stimulate my appetite so there is a potential for weight gain. Also, there will be break through bleeding." I decided that isn't an option I want so what now? We're thinking withdrawal method. Sounds ignorant, I know.
Also, since I've been on the Femcon bc pill my libido is pretty much non-existent. I'm not sure whether to blame the pill or the fact that it has been almost 2 years since I've had Turner and they say it takes that long for your body to fully recover. I wonder if my estrogen levels were this low before I started taking the fertility treatments to get preggers.
I don't like not being intimate with my husband, but I'm never wanting to. He's the best guy ever, I'm physically attracted to him, and I love him so much . . .why when it comes to being physical do I shrink back and hide? I'm starting to dread bedtime or any time alone with him because I feel so pressured. Not from him, from my inner voice telling me that I should want to be with him. Isn't that horrible?
Here's my 'I'm so lame' confession.
I'm so lame that I went to the pharmacy and bought a supplement to help increase my libido. It's supposed to increase a woman's desire and take effect within 48 hours, but can take up to a week. I started taking it on Tuesday. Nothing so far.
I've got a little stash of other helpful items for the bedroom (creams and lotions) but they are made for pre-game fun and I can't even get myself undressed. (sigh)
If the supplements don't kick in by next week, I'll probably call the doc and see how she can help. I've read that exercise can increase a woman's libido, but how many more miles do I have to run a week, seriously! On the bright side, atleast it's my shoes that are getting worn out.
Serious note: This has been really embarrassing for me to post this, but I'm hoping that by putting it out there some of you can email me if you've been in the same situation and let me know what helped you. This ordeal is really starting to put a strain on my marriage, truth.
I appreciate those of you that have stuck through this post, it's great having friends like you!
3 comments:
I commend you for being so honest. You're willing to talk about the problems that others are hiding and can't say out loud.
I have some advice. I'll save it for email ;)
Since your blog is private and only my friends and total strangers read it, I don't mind saying what I have to say!
Stress is the number one reason for my loss of sex drive. So is being annoyed by the whole wife and mom gig and looking over at my husband and feeling like his life hasn't changed much since becoming a dad. I hate being up to my neck in dishes and laundry and guilt about doing that instead of playing with my kid and he is on the couch reading emails or whatever the fuck he's doing over there. So, I stop looking at him.
Weird, I know, but the likelihood of me wanting to have sex increases if I don't look at him when I'm going about my mom/wife business.
Unpaid bills make me want to keep my pants on, so I try to stay up to date with them.
If I'm too tired, I don't want to do it so I try to get enough sleep.
I think it's normal in a healthy relationship for sex to be plentiful at times and almost non-existent at others.
That said, I didn't have any refills on my pills and I can't get ahold of my doc so I'm taking a break from them. I'm scared, because last time I did this I got pregnant but this time we're using condoms.
I know this sounds weird, but you can get some condoms that feel awesome. Lots of guys complain that they can't feel anything, but if it feels really good to you and you get-um, well- INTO it, I'm sure that T will have no problems. The fun condoms don't cost more than regular ones, and they've come a long way from the old French Ticklers!
My libido rises if I'm not on the pill, and I am amazed at how strong it is as I get a little older. When I'm on the pill it's the same today as it was 10 years ago, but holy crap. There is such a thing as a woman's peak.
I think I'm a little older than you, so I'll say that there is a huge difference between my late 20s and early 30s when it comes to libido. HUGE HUGE. I was worried 5 or 6 years ago that I would never want to have sex again. boy was I wrong.
I don't know how open to role playing you guys are, but that can be fun. Even a little bit of something that seems silly, like tying your wrists together or being blindfolded can go a long way. It can be weird at first, but once you get into it, the weirdness goes away.
Toys can be fun.
If you already have been doing those things, take it up a notch! Fly your freak flag girl!! You never know what you might find that you both like that you never thought of before.
In all seriousness, communicate.
Tell T how you feel. I know first hand what kind of problems come up when you don't talk to your mate about your feelings. You don't want him feeling rejected. Trust me on that one, sister.
Good luck. And be careful with that pulling out stuff. I have a joke that goes something like "my p*$$y is so awesome that he couldn't pull out in time, and that's how we got Jake".
It's not so much a joke as it is the die hard truth!!
One thing comes to mind when I hear you mention 'pull-out method'. That one thing is Miss Payton. :) So, I say go for it! Turner would love a sibling.
In all seriousness, though, I can relate to some of your feelings in this blog. I would seriously LOVE to have sex every night, but it isn't possible. I get so wore out and exhausted and then I hear the same voice in my head that says, "Oh, you can do just one more 'chore'." And, that's when it hits me that I'm thinking of it as a chore. That night, Mike doesn't get any. LOL
Just be spontaneous some night. Bring Turner over some evening and go back and surprise Tanner. You have to find time for you guys. We can even try to keep Turner over night some time. We are 5 minutes away, so even if it doesn't last all night, it's not a big deal! :)
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