Balance

I'm failing at this whole life balance thing.

You know. The balance we create where we get all of the housework done, we spend quality time with our spouse, we have nights out with our friends, every dinner is homemade and delicious, and we spend our days and nights raising happy children, all the while giving each child individual time so they feel equally important.

That balance.

The Super Mom skillz.

Oh, and don't forget to smile through it all and show the world that you love every second of your life.

There's quite a bit of pressure to being a stay-at-home Mom. I feel like most other SAHM's fall into the Stepford Wife-type... always trying to portray perfection. And here I am. Up to my ears in a tight budget, maxxed out clothing, sleepless nights, kiddie activities, trying to make the most of my time, and the struggle to manage a healthy household.

I'm stressed.
I'm exhausted.

Even though things are really stressful right now, I don't regret leaving my job. Not for a minute. Even on my worst days, I'm so glad I walked away from Corporate America and have the opportunity to be home raising my children.

I would be lying if I said that there aren't days when I miss the hustle bustle lifestyle of a 'working' woman. Sometimes I really miss dressing professionally, adult conversations, and the overall feeling that I'm making a contribution to society. And, admittedly, I sometimes miss dropping my kids off at the daycare for the day, allowing me to only think about myself for a time.

I also have to acknowledge that I realize I am blessed in so many ways.

I have a bit of guilt posting this blog because I'm going on about how taxing life has been for me lately... but damnit, this is my blog and I'm here to vent when I want to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that whatever system I've developed isn't working out so well. I'm up at 6:30 a.m. and I'm getting to sleep around 11 p.m. and I still have an unfinished to-do list a mile long at the end of every day.

I'm less than 5 weeks from my due date and my motivation and energy is diminishing quickly. I've got to come up with a game plan and fast.

One thing I've done differently with this pregnancy is ask and accept help from others. I consider myself a very independent person. Often times too much. I've loosened my grip a little and allowed myself to be more receptive to the generosity of my family and friends. I should have done that a long time ago. I have an AMAZING support system and I'm planning to utilize them more in the future. I'm not ignorant to the fact that there are a lot of women out there doing it all every day on their own.

With the arrival of Baby #3, I'm a bit panicked as to how I'm going cover the basics of housekeeping, mothering, budgeting, planning, creating, and maintaining my marriage without something failing.

I once read that worry robs tomorrow of it's strength.

I guess I just have to have faith and hope that everything will work out.

I have to let go of what isn't being done and try to put a positive spin on what lies ahead. Yes, I will have more responsibility but I have to believe that there will also be more opportunity.

On a brighter note, there has been plenty of nesting going on in the Steinbauer household. The baby stuff is out and I'm getting excited to meet our little one! As much anxiety as I've had with the unexpected pregnancy and the fretting over how I'm going to manage 3 children... I am so happy that we will be adding another little one to our family. He or She will be loved just as much and equally spoiled as their two predecessors. The boy name and girl name have been selected and now we wait for Baby to make his/her move.

Stay tuned...