Do you remember when I blogged about my fear of dying of cancer because it seems like it's always breathing down my neck?
My Mom has Cancer.
If there is any good news to it; it's cervical cancer.
She's lost alot of blood over the past couple of weeks. By alot I mean she's short 7 units of 14.
Her blood transfusion started at noon.
I'm trying to fill my belly with food before I don't feel like eating anything.
I'm trying to gather my nerves so I don't cry and can be strong
and smiling
and light
but serious and concerned at the same time.
Even though I want to break down inside I need to be strong for her.
A daughter feels her Mother's pain. It's part of our connection.
I think I'm delaying the trip to the hospital to sit with my Mother as she receives someone else's blood and cries.
I don't want to go, but I do want to be there.
I can't explain it.
My mom doesn't have a Spouse or her Mom to comfort her.
The Big C took her Mom a little over 4 years ago.
My Mom is having surgery today to remove all of the polyps but may end up with a full hysterectomy.
She dreads the hormone replacement meds, the healing time, the feeling of knowing parts of her body are gone; parts that make her a woman . . . but she wants life.
Living takes priority even if it means altering your schedule to do so.
I say that because my Mom despises doing anything she doesn't want to do.
She lives life on her schedule. No exceptions.
Looks like this time she is making an exception.
Good for her.
Good for us.
I'm leaving for the hospital.
This sucks.
Send good wishes our way. Today, we need them.
Cancer blows.
I can't help but wonder, who's next?
Positive thoughts! Positive thoughts!
I'm coincidentally reading a book titled Good Luck. I'll take it as a sign.
I'm symbolic when I'm desperate.
4 comments:
Oh Jen, I hope that everything goes well. You and your mom will be in my thoughts today! Please let me know if you need anything!
I'm so sorry to hear this, it's a very scary but very treatable cancer. I guess if she's gonna have a cancer, this is the one to get. That sounds terrible, but it's true. That's the attitude I had through the whole thing, and it really pulled me through. Like, "hey! it could be tumors on my brain instead."
Love to you all.
Jen, my heart goes out to you and your mom. I pray everything works out. Let me know if you need anything!
I know how she feels...but at this moment she needs to look herself straight in the eye and ask herself, "does my uterus, ovaries, and cervix define me as a woman?" Knowing your mother, she would never allow her body to override her strong self image. Sometimes you have to do what is necessary in order to live healthy. I know it still blows though. They are finding that more and more women do not need the horomone replacement therapy. She would most likely be one of those candidates becasue she is so active. Tell her I am thinking of her and sending good thoughts her way. I hope she has a speedy recovery...with you as her daughter, she will at least be taken care of...she is very lucky to have you. Tell her to call me if she ever has any questions!
Post a Comment