Birth Order - The Eldest Child

I must admit to you, ever since Lauren has been born, I feel like I have been neglecting Turner. I constantly feel guilty because I used to spend time playing with him and having lots of one on one time. I'm guessing I only give him 90 minutes of my undivided attention per day. Lauren takes a morning nap, and that is when I drop everything and play with Turner.

Turner has been my sun. We scheduled our evenings around him. I have spoiled him and loved every minute of it. The addition of a baby has been tough on all of us. He constantly asks me to play with him and I have to constantly tell him 'later honey' or 'in a minute'. He is always hearing, 'you need to wait' or 'please be patient.' I know it is difficult for him and he's done EXTREMELY well.

Sure he acts out at times. I mean, he's 3. I don't expect him to grow up overnight just because he has a sibling, but the truth is, he has grown up since Lauren has arrived. I'm not sure if it's because he's almost four or because he's become more mature because of the life change. I'm guessing both.

While I have been focused on Lauren's constant care and dependency, Turner now prefers Tanner to do things with him. By 10:00 each morning, Turner wants to know when Daddy will be home. Dad plays with Turner while I'm nursing/changing/holding the baby. Dad takes care of Turner's bath while I put Lauren to bed. Dad puts Turner to bed while I ready things for the next day. It's just the way it works. I'm thinking now that Lauren is a bit older and is becoming less needy, we should start trading responsibility with Turner. I want to get close to him again. I want him to know that I think he's as important to me as his little sister is.

I've tried having Mother/Son dates with him and it's fun, but a person can't make up for a month's worth of time in just a couple of hours. I tell Turner all of the time that I love him, that he is special, and that he is a good boy. We have enrolled him in swim classes so he has his own little thing going on and I make sure to attend every session. It feels good to have him look up into the bleachers for us and smile when he sees us watching.

I'm trying to be the best mom I can be to both of my children.

Being the eldest child, I know what it is like to be given more responsibility than the others just because I was the oldest. I was always told I was mature for my age and I feel like I was. I feel a bit cheated of my childhood but on the same token, I am glad I was taught about life at a young age. I want to make sure that Turner enjoys his childhood and doesn't get short-changed.

Did you know that birth order is believed to have a huge effect on psychological development?

Always optimistic, I did a bit of research on 'Eldest Child Syndrome'. Here are a few cool theories:

• Older siblings consolidate and organize their knowledge to act as a tutor to younger siblings, thus creating a leadership role.
• Some studies find that both the older and younger siblings tend to describe the firstborn as more disciplined, responsible, and high-achieving.
• Firstborns are often treated as mini-adults by their parents, thus given more responsibility.
• Oldest children are usually the 'good' children of the family that follow the rules and and set the examples.
• The oldest child often strives to protect, help, and please others.
• Firstborns are more motivated to achieve high-standards.
• Firstborns usually have higher confidence than their siblings.

Here is my own firstborn life experience / personality traits I believe I inherited due to my birth order.

I am bossy
I can be very self-focused at times
I have trouble admitting when I'm wrong
I'm attention seeking and
I'm stubborn
I feel the need to be in control almost always

Famous Firstborns:
Reese Witherspoon
Brad Pitt
Sylvester Stallone
Steve Jobs
Beyonce Knowles
Demi Moore

All theories aside, I believe that as long as I remain aware of my time with my children and make a strong effort to take part in each of their lives, I will raise successful kids. Children that know that they are loved unconditionally by their Mother.

My Hypothetical Mission Statement: I will listen to my children and do my best to meet their individual needs while maintaining ethical and moral standards true to our beliefs.

Now, what to do for my next date with that dashingly handsome boy of mine? I'll spend a few moments with him tomorrow tossing around ideas; possibly over our favorite breakfast, cinnamon french toast. That will be a cool start to our day. I hope day tomorrow is good as well!

Thanks for reading!